ok. a person should be smiling gleefully, all dancing for joy when exam's over right? RIGHT! BUT in my case, being my sensitive self, for the first time, i feel all shitty and sad right when exam's over. I HATE THIS FEELING
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. WHY?!
first of all, this whole exam period has been such a bumpy road (plus my stress level n depress level increased). none of the papers were easy. there's ALWAYS something that i could have done much better. So, to end the exam period, to have done your last paper quite well, would be a nice way to end it no? BUT yea.. the last paper just now was tough. 2 questions which consists of 100% each. I am very well confident that i could get 100% for one of the questions but the other one.. sheesh. the thing is, we had 3 choices and pick 2. the choices were, project planning, inventory planning and quality management. Quality mngt was the one i can aced off. so, i had concentrated more on inventory planning when i was doing my revision but not on project. BUT the project planning one, i had studied before in my first year, and it's a bit confusing unless u really know how to it then it's fine(i was good at it in my 1st year). HOWEVER, just now, looking at the inventory planning question, it was tricky! and looking at the project planning question GOOD GOD IT WAS BLOODY easy to get the 50% marks straight BUT i forgot how to do it. I DID revise that part but i totally forgot how to calculate it just now. i attempt to do it, but mid-way i just can't remember how to calculate it. so not to waste time, i took the risk and did the inventory planning question instead WHICH i know i used the right formulas BUT the wrong figures for some. URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GERAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S REALLY FRUSTRATING OK!!! (ini jer sebenarnya kesimpulannya)
it's frustrating when u know u could have done it BUT then u forgot how to do it. IT'S BLOODY FRUSTRATING. AND WHY THE HELL AM I COMPLAINING WHEN IT'S FREAKIN OVER?! CAUSE I'M FRUSTRATED!! I HATE THIS! I HATE EXAMS! stupid exams. u make me feel stupid. and and u know what, all these. ALL THESE stupid shitty feelings... i've got myself to blame. all these crying n nonsense. All me. It's my fault.
i really want to feel happy right now. i really wish i could smile n just have fun BUT i just can't feel that way right now. i've never had such struggle during exams before. ever. in my life. ever. My intention of getting a 1st for my 2nd year has just flown out my window. I'm just hoping i would get at least a 2nd upper for my 2nd year results now. God's will i hope i can. so what have i learned from this?!? 3rd year study awal2 jgn nak last minute. this time, padan muka. last year dah mmg last. u better not screw it up, ur future depends on it woman!
u see now i can't even enjoy the fact that exam's over. what the hell wei. It's too late to do anything now (more reasons for me to hate this feeilng). i need to calm myself down. I don't know what i'm gonna do after this, but i know i have just got to get this shitty feeling OUT OF THE WAY. BE GONE!!! SHOO!
a bit of flashback, usually when i'm in this state mind, back in college, i would have poured my tears out on one of my chaletmates bed. now, i'm just pouring it out on my blog. ahh, good old times.
COME ON SORAYA. SMILE!