If it is not meant to be...

Oh dear, am worried about myself when it comes to my love life. Cam loser jer. Hahahaha. I really need to learn self control. Following frm my previous post, i should learn my lesson that if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. I know that you can't force someone to like you. Totally agree with that. And the fact that I know he just sees me as a friend, i really need to let it go. Must control self to not make the effort! I once read a quote that goes something like "eventually you will find someone who will make you realise why it didn't happen with anyone else". Also, another quote which said, Let him find you, you're not a good hunter. Lol. Case in point. Did my hunting and look what happened. Hahaha. Fail la raje.

And u know these kinda things, they usually come when u least expect of it. I should not expect anything then. Allah knows what's best for me. I guess, he is not the best for me then, and i should move on. I guess, I should try and treat him like a friend. Must drive myself into feeling so or if we drift apart further, guess he will just be a memory.

Oh gosh, I'm just praying that whoever who God has made for me did not get lost somewhere. Hahaha. Cause then he wouldn't be able to find me! :p

Here I am!

Well well well, it's been 2 years plus since the last post!!!! i think i just broke my own record for not posting anything that long!! hahahaha. A lot has happened since then. I got skinnier. LOL. Can't miss a roller-coaster emotional ride I say. One thing's for sure, I've gotten over the fact that I get all quiet when I'm out with someone am attracted to. Am so happy about that. Am being me and if he doesn't like it, then, move along. I am me, no matter how crazy or weird I am. Hey, that's me.

Early this year I met someone whom for the first time, I was comfortable being myself around him. I don't know why but I wasn't all shy and quiet. It was just me being all sorayaness. A few hang out sessions, it went all good but then as time passes, we drifted apart. I tried to do my part by putting a lil effort by texting him first. but then, he didn't seem to respond as much. I guess, he wasn't interested and it was just me. Kept telling myself that he is just a friend, nothing more. And, it will never be more. So once in a blue moon, there will be msges from him but then when i gave attention, he wouldn't reply that much. I don't understand at all. If he just wants attention, am giving it to him. but when i do, he's too busy to make time for me. (hate that reason). So i decided to forget about it. there's no such thing as too busy. you can always make time if you want to.

Unfortunately, i failed miserably on containing my feelings that he is only a friend. Met up with him a few days ago. Because i kept telling myself that he is just a friend and nothing more, I started to give cold responses instead. The thing is, if he is a friend, I wouldn't have gave cold responses. Subconsciously, I became so. :( I felt bad, and I can't help but wanting to see him again before he leaves. So asked him out and it was fine till I gave a socially awkward friendly hug when we said goodbye. LOL. Seriously, it was the most awkward hug i've ever given to anyone. i don't even know why i did that. Said bye to him and he asked that's it? cause he is coming back next year. what did he want me to do? send him to the car? so, without thinking, i gave him a hug. but then it was such an awkward one. hahahah gosh i can't believe i did that. can u see how many times i've written the word awkward. hahahaha. after that, i felt like a fool. like whyyyyyy. whyyy did i do that. Soraya you can be socially awkward sometimes especially when you're being put on the spot with someone whom you are attracted to. oh why can't he just like me?

I know he doesn't like me as much. I know this cause to me, if a guy is interested, he would make time and try to contact you or make lil more effort. He doesn't. Also, I know for a fact that he goes out with other girls one on one too. So, I would most probably be like one of the girls. Just that, on my part, I kinda like him. This feeling sucks ya know. I need to get over this cause it's such a waste of time when someone doesn't like you back and it's just you thinking about it.

SO, am making a promise here with myself to ENJOY THE SINGLENESS WHILE I CAN AND BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF. If he wants me, he should pursue and put effort. I think I did put a lil effort so yeah, I'm done. I can give the attention and loving if I want to but only if you are to do the same. It takes two to tango. If nothing happens after this, well I guess, it's just not meant to be.