Dear blog....

Dear blog, i'd never thought i would write this, selfish of me to feel this way

But

sometimes i feel that i value my friends too much. It hurts me that they don't value me as much. I don't blame them. Definitely NO.

But

sometimes i just wish they don't just assume things about me. assume things that i like, what i don't like. assume that i'm not interested in going. things that i've said, one can change their mind can't they?

Sometimes i wish they would value me as much. Some of them never invite me for anything. They don't see it as a big deal.

But

to me, yes it is. that's just me.

Sometimes i even feel that some of them don't really like me. I'm just a person for them to talk to. that's it. not a friend. Sometimes they don't even talk to me about other things. It's just on one thing. I feel dumb when that happens. I know other things too. Even if i don't i can learn, they can explain to me.

Friends whom i've never seen for a long time or been in contact is different, but it hurts more when they are my close friends.

I guess i view the word 'friend' in a different picture than them. i never like to see my friends sad. I feel guilty when i see them sad and unhappy. Why wasn't i there. Why are they sad? I'm always there to cheer them up. I know i'm not obliged to, but i'm their friend, and i think that's what friends are for.

Cliche as it may seem but "A friend in need, is a friend indeed".

Most of them never realise when i'm sad. Never. well maybe because i don't like to show it to them.

Most of my friends had never seen me cry (except my chaletmates & chalet neighbours). I never like people to see me get all teary. I have a thing for bottling up all these negative feelings inside me and when i do let it all out.. it really makes me depressed. It happens sometimes. Those who i can be manja with and not be judged are far away from me. Living in different states, we still do keep in touch but hard to see them in person anymore.

I never hated a friend, not now not ever. i love my friends (besides my family and god), ALL of them, no matter where they come from, how they look like, whatever their IQ level is, whatever! they are my friends. they are the ones who make me happy, whom i can laugh with, share my stressness, my drama life with but just sometimes...

this feeling.. all this that i just poured out to you dear blog, it'll pass. It'll go away very soon. I don't keep sadness in me for long. It is not healthy for me. :)

"Have friends not for the sake or receiving, but of giving"

-anonymous-

Another one of soraya's emo moments here.. huhu.