If it is not meant to be...

Oh dear, am worried about myself when it comes to my love life. Cam loser jer. Hahahaha. I really need to learn self control. Following frm my previous post, i should learn my lesson that if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. I know that you can't force someone to like you. Totally agree with that. And the fact that I know he just sees me as a friend, i really need to let it go. Must control self to not make the effort! I once read a quote that goes something like "eventually you will find someone who will make you realise why it didn't happen with anyone else". Also, another quote which said, Let him find you, you're not a good hunter. Lol. Case in point. Did my hunting and look what happened. Hahaha. Fail la raje.

And u know these kinda things, they usually come when u least expect of it. I should not expect anything then. Allah knows what's best for me. I guess, he is not the best for me then, and i should move on. I guess, I should try and treat him like a friend. Must drive myself into feeling so or if we drift apart further, guess he will just be a memory.

Oh gosh, I'm just praying that whoever who God has made for me did not get lost somewhere. Hahaha. Cause then he wouldn't be able to find me! :p

Here I am!

Well well well, it's been 2 years plus since the last post!!!! i think i just broke my own record for not posting anything that long!! hahahaha. A lot has happened since then. I got skinnier. LOL. Can't miss a roller-coaster emotional ride I say. One thing's for sure, I've gotten over the fact that I get all quiet when I'm out with someone am attracted to. Am so happy about that. Am being me and if he doesn't like it, then, move along. I am me, no matter how crazy or weird I am. Hey, that's me.

Early this year I met someone whom for the first time, I was comfortable being myself around him. I don't know why but I wasn't all shy and quiet. It was just me being all sorayaness. A few hang out sessions, it went all good but then as time passes, we drifted apart. I tried to do my part by putting a lil effort by texting him first. but then, he didn't seem to respond as much. I guess, he wasn't interested and it was just me. Kept telling myself that he is just a friend, nothing more. And, it will never be more. So once in a blue moon, there will be msges from him but then when i gave attention, he wouldn't reply that much. I don't understand at all. If he just wants attention, am giving it to him. but when i do, he's too busy to make time for me. (hate that reason). So i decided to forget about it. there's no such thing as too busy. you can always make time if you want to.

Unfortunately, i failed miserably on containing my feelings that he is only a friend. Met up with him a few days ago. Because i kept telling myself that he is just a friend and nothing more, I started to give cold responses instead. The thing is, if he is a friend, I wouldn't have gave cold responses. Subconsciously, I became so. :( I felt bad, and I can't help but wanting to see him again before he leaves. So asked him out and it was fine till I gave a socially awkward friendly hug when we said goodbye. LOL. Seriously, it was the most awkward hug i've ever given to anyone. i don't even know why i did that. Said bye to him and he asked that's it? cause he is coming back next year. what did he want me to do? send him to the car? so, without thinking, i gave him a hug. but then it was such an awkward one. hahahah gosh i can't believe i did that. can u see how many times i've written the word awkward. hahahaha. after that, i felt like a fool. like whyyyyyy. whyyy did i do that. Soraya you can be socially awkward sometimes especially when you're being put on the spot with someone whom you are attracted to. oh why can't he just like me?

I know he doesn't like me as much. I know this cause to me, if a guy is interested, he would make time and try to contact you or make lil more effort. He doesn't. Also, I know for a fact that he goes out with other girls one on one too. So, I would most probably be like one of the girls. Just that, on my part, I kinda like him. This feeling sucks ya know. I need to get over this cause it's such a waste of time when someone doesn't like you back and it's just you thinking about it.

SO, am making a promise here with myself to ENJOY THE SINGLENESS WHILE I CAN AND BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF. If he wants me, he should pursue and put effort. I think I did put a lil effort so yeah, I'm done. I can give the attention and loving if I want to but only if you are to do the same. It takes two to tango. If nothing happens after this, well I guess, it's just not meant to be.

Sors

LIKE AMAGAD.. i have left my blog that long?!?! ahahhahahaha. daaaaayuuum. The title of this post is actually what one of my colleagues calls me. hahahaha. SORS.

This might actually be the longest break i had after the last blog post! Anyhoo, i just got back frm volunteering at Relay For Life 2012. It was fun! tiring but fun. a bit bored at times cause there wasn't much to do but i guess when it comes to volunteering for an event. that happens cause people come n go at diff time.

in front of the starting line

 Work have never been seen so hectic. been working on weekends for a lot of times. replacement leave ada but too busy to even take replacement leave. hohoho. I guess that's work. some of my friends are saying that i'm turning into a workaholic. I don't think I am. I hope I'm not! Anyway, don't wanna fret. hehe. Let's talk about interesting things that happened lately. 

Firstly, I stood next to Michelle Wie!!!! And those who googled for Michelle Wie might end up at my blog here. hahahahaha. sorry mate. Anyway, it's the LPGA season and there was the Charity Gala Dinner. As one of the main ushers for the dinner, I was on duty to be one of the 'models' to help hold the player's item being auctioned. I was lucky to get Michelle Wie's golf club n got to stand next to her on stage during the bid. it was awesome! the emcee made her swing a few times to make the bid go higher. and my god that girl can swing alright! i was afraid she might swing me instead so i stood quite far and by the looks of it, i think someone can be knocked out if someone were to be hit by her swing. 

in the Red Kebaya standing next to Michelle Wie! yeay! 

Besides that, the other day, I went to a dinner and as it was black tie event, we all went there looking very classy and elegant. However, at one point, our vain-ess took over and we decided to camwhore the whole night. hahahaa. Referring to the picture below, our attempt to look like cover girls? what do you think? hihihi.

a female magazine cover maybe? 

and below is just a random picture of my colleagues laughing at something I said. they were both literally ROFL. hahahah. I miss both of them! hope they won't be as bz next week!

obviously, these were not only the things that happened throughout me not updating my blog. hahaha. just writing down what pops into my head. :) something interesting happened, but let's see if it gets more interesting. am giving it a week. and i'm not taking it too seriously. it's too fishy. if it's a prank frm a friend, trust me i'll unfriend that person. -_- 

that's all for now peeps! it's Sunday!! finally i can rest. (i hope)

xoxo,Soraya

oh me gosh, would u look at that.

My gosh, I haven't been blogging for more than a month. boooo~ have been a busy little bee and sometimes when I do have time, wasn't in blogging mode. lol.

I just had a loooong dream about a person last night. When I talk about a person during the day, he or she will someone end up in my dream that night. So yesterday, I met up with a good fren of mine who just got back from the UK and u know.. girls when they haven't seen each other for a long time, semua benda lah cerita kan, gossips, work stuff, love life etc. I was telling her about a certain someone n surprise surprise, i dreamt him last night. not a nice dream. I don't like it if i dream about this someone cause it makes me feel like I haven't had a closure. 

Yes, another quite emo blog. I haven't been on a dating scene for quite some time now and I think I should get back on it cause I think I'm lack behind. LOL. Anyway, about this person, I've had my part of closure but he didn't. sometimes, i wonder what are the things that he really wanted to say and sometimes i feel like, it's better that i don't know what he wants to say cause it might just cause mixed up feelings for me. Although i told this person that we should be friends, I'm not treating him as one. i guess because I'm afraid he has other reasons than just being friends with me and also on my part, I know he has a very caring, loving and protective gf. Don't wanna mess with someone like that yo. Some people, they are not grateful with what they have. You have a caring n loving girlfriend and yet you still pursue or try and see whether you could get yourself another girl. Sometimes I feel like I miss this person but when I think about it, I think I actually miss getting attention and having someone who I can just kacau anytime I want. or someone who just wanna be there for me. I do feel like we could be friends but then again, if your gf knows who I am, I might get run over. lol.

Currently, my eye candy is dating a chinese girl. dang raje, tuh lah. lol! boooooooo~ my friends have been telling me there are other fishes in the sea. SO CLICHE. BUT... SO TRUE. the thing is I haven't been meeting new people. so dia sorang je la yg aku asyik usha kan. lol. The people I see most of the time are my colleagues and at times my frens. Should get out more on the social scene too! hmmmm. Sunday morning and I'm ranting about this. pfft! 

Alright, let's get some McD breakfast! and start my Sunday!!!! or shall i say, sundae? hehe.

 Me at the office, needed a break, played with the props used for storytelling activity to kids

xoxo, Soraya

when was the last time I..

So, before this, I made myself clear that my priority is to get myself a job before I go about having a boyfriend. Now that I've secured myself a job which I'm happy with.. I don't know how to start.

 I don't want to look for one cause like what the hell, cam desperate je. 

I am looking (literally) but not doing anything about it. 

  I just miss going out on dates and getting the attention. lol.

The last time I went out on a date would be 2 years ago but wait don't think that counted as a date tho. I went out with that guy cause I wanted to know what he had to say to me. Out of the blue confession case. 

Anyway, that didn't work out cause at that time, I wanted to concentrate on my studies and when it comes to boys, they are eye candies and that's just about it. So i guess the last time i went out on a date would be when I was 16. WAAAHHHH dasyat gila. (sendiri terkejut please..)

Now, it seems like almost everyone is getting married at my age. I'm 24 btw. yer tak tua sangat pun tapi semua orang cam tunang lah kahwin la and here I am, someone who's not even seeing anyone.

Yes, I know there are loads of people who are in the same shoes as I am.

One of my friends told me that I'm not socializing enough. Honestly, I have to say I haven't been going out much with my friends. I haven't seem them for quite some time now. Socializing in term of meeting new frens (especially the opposite sex) was what one of my friends was referring to. The thing is, unfortunately when some of my frens/colleagues invite me to hang out, something would always come up and I won't be able to make it. So, lost the opportunity to make new friends or get to know that person that i'm having a slight crush on right now. LOL. (and with my shy issue around guys that I'm attracted to, not helping either)

I'm trying my best to not be as shy as I used to be but I hardly meet this slight crushie of mine. hampa.

I don't know whether I just sound pathetic or not. I don't care really. Lepaskan perasaan je ni.

hahaha. oh well, kalau ada jodoh, takkan ke mana ye tak? tapi kalau tak berusaha pun apa2 pun tak jadi. 

so kena berusaha, tapi tak tau nak buat apa. LOL.  

Yer, berusaha Soraya!!! One fine day, yes!

AAANYWAY, I should head off to slumberland now.
Buenas noches muchachos & muchachas! 

xoxo, Soraya

back from Johor!

I just got back from Johor yesterday evening and gosh it was so tiring. Spent one whole week in Johor for work. Although, i still haven't had enough rest, i was out today for 12 hours, facial, lunch, went to meet my fren who's back for summer holiday and then off to One utama with mom n dad. penaaat. then tomorrow, off to get a new phone!!!! yeay!!!!! InsyaAllah dapat lah kan. hahaha. i won't be getting one of the latest phones definitely cause i'm not a tech geek and i don't really dig into those apps. janji boleh check email, google stuff, sms n call, it's good to go. :)

2 weeks ago, I went out with my some of my close friends from college and mmg lepas rindu habis lah. haha. after the guys left, us girls were so excited that we could then gossip about our love life. the thing with us girls, when you put a whole lot of single girls together, the main topic will always be about bila nak dapat boyfriend. HAHAHAHA. one of my frens came to the conclusion that something's wrong with us. lol. on my side, I can't argue with that cause i've got social issues when it comes to people that i like. hahahaha. i shall not comment further. dah pernah tulis pasal ni kan. lalalalaala~

Anyway, I feel like Malaysia is not safe anymore. I got back yesterday and all i hear is about kidnapping news. one of it happened The Curve. THE CURVE people!!!! i go there a lot and i'ld never thought a kidnapping scene would happen there and thank god the girl managed to escape! early this morning, i heard about an attempt kidnapping news on the radio. apa nak jadi ngn malaysia ni? It's so scary ok. It's sad to know that my beloved country is no longer safe. haih. kes culik anak "somebody" punyalah sibuk, but anak2 orang lain yg kena culik, takder pun semangat, takder pun nak berusaha gila2.  apa beza nya anak orang lain dengan anak orang berada. haih.

I know this post has random stuffs in it, no connection at all but i just felt like blurting out whatever i'm thinking about. :)

aiiiight, it's good to be back to my comfy bed! *golek2 atas katil* ;p

xoxo, Soraya

not myself when...

wanna know something? well some of u might know this cause apparently it's obvious (according to some frens of mine). I don't act like myself when i'm around the guy that i like. I am shy. WTH right? macam tak je kan. lol. but yes, it's only when it comes to someone i have a crush on (or slight crush) i'll turn into this shy person which sometimes make that person think that i'm arrogant / sombong. huhuhu. it's just that i go all speechless, and shall not look at that person in the eye for too long.  hahahaha. and maintain lah kan. I want to be myself but i somehow can't bring myself to that. for example today, i could have just voiced out and say, hey come join us here! i would have if he was some other person. instead i just let him passed by when i think he wanted to join us but none of our frens saw him passed by. so he just walked away. kesian dia. I can't even bring myself to say hi to that person cause i just feel so shy. it's like the other person have to initiate it first then i can let loose and be myself. lambat sikit nak warm up. hahahaha. haih. :)

xoxo, Soraya